50 days....

...without 1 cigarette means i have  gone without 1,000 of the filthy fuckers.  

while i know i've made the best decision, i miss them in a twisted way.  i miss that morning cigarette that provided a sedated glance at the day ahead.  i miss the cigarettes that split up my day into several social gatherings, usually comprised of the cooler kids.  i miss the cigarettes that seemed to fill up those dull moments, like waiting for the bus or walking to work. 

but with all that said, i am happy that i feel healthy; taking in big breaths of air without the slightest discomfort.  i am also free from that feeling of impending doom; i constantly feared withering away from lung or some other smoking-related cancer.  it only intensified my already bad case of hypochondria.  i am also no longer the social leper that slithers outside, even in the nastiest weather conditions, to haul on a cigarette alone.

there is no doubt that the good outweighs the bad but the loss is still a drag when i have a bad case of selective memory.

"Cigarettes, I won't do cigarettes, nicotine will kill ya" ~ Tommy Chong